MODERN DELAYING TACTICS WHEN YOU DON'T WANT TO GET UP

Whistling winds and darkness woke me this morning (technically it was the annoying tune on my iPhone) and my decision was made. Today would be a day for cuddling up under a blanket with a warm drink and a good book. Except I had things to do, such as take Music Man and Miss Attitude to school. And go to work. Cue the childlike thought combined with mutinous look: “I don’t want to”. So began my procastination, aka Modern Delaying Tactics for Highly Unmotivated People.

1. Press SNOOZE button, roll over and go to sleep again, ignoring messages from bladder. Repeat as desired.
2. Turn off alarm (resist urge to poke tongue out at offending device, it can’t see you). Pick up iPhone and check for any urgent text messages. Or any messages at all.
3. Check email apps for messages. Give the phone a shake just in case messages need to be refreshed.

What I’d like to be doing now – chai by the beach.

1. Check Twitter for any mentions, interactions or new followers. Check again just in case you missed them. Scroll through feed and retweet sage advice and funny comments. And the weather report just in case your followers missed it. Read a couple of links and reply with witty comments. Add a tweet or two about what a beautiful day it is. Think about trending, what it actually is and how you can create a trend. Or can you? Are you too old to be trendy? Tweet this question and wait for a reply.
2. Check Facebook for any messages or notifications. Refresh phone with another good shake and check again. Reply to any messages and like/comment on notifications. For example lol. Tks. KK. Scroll through newsfeed. Read the news stories your friends read. Like a status. Or ten. Like a page your friend liked. Compose a firm but fair comment on Mr Negative’s status. Delete it. Share a profound quote or two. Add a status post about what a beautiful day it is.
3. Check Instagram feed for any likes on your photos. Check if anyone is actually following your photos. Scroll through Instagram feed. Like some photos. Compose a photo of your toes in bedsocks for your Photo of the Day. Get creative and take another of your clock with the time blurred out. Play with filters; post to Twitter and Facebook. Wait a minute or two to see if anyone appreciates your creativity.
4. Update games. Guess Little Sis’ drawing, message her to say it did look a bit rude and then start the next round. Pick a word such as kilt. Draw a man wearing a skirt with stripes on it and a big safety pin at the side. Realise safety pin looks more like a certain appendage. Rub appendage out. Draw a man with a red beard and hairy legs wearing a tartan skirt but no safety pin. Send. Check word game. Groan because overnight your letters have not changed and you still have two e’s and three i’s and no idea where to put them. And the sun is not shining anyway, so you can’t put them where the “sun don’t shine”. Make up a few words just in case you get lucky. Exit game in disgust.
5. Check if any apps need updating. Install updates.
6. If your bladder is remaining silent, repeat steps 2-6, just in case there are any new messages. Any at all.
7. Get up in disgust because despite all your hard work, you still have to go to work. And you have much less time to get ready. Take a moment to feel bad about your time-wasting and resolve to do better tomorrow. Type this into Notes so you don’t forget. Better yet, add it to your calendar so you get a reminder in the morning not to waste so much time on delaying tactics.
8. In shower, compose a self-deprecating blog about delaying tactics that will reinforce your commitment to more effective habits in a light-hearted way.

Good luck!

PS. I started listening to The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People on the way to work. It was all good until the elevator music came on to transition between topics. Decided to listen to the CD later.