It’s a funny sort of day. To cover up an unsettled feeling, I’ve been keeping busy. It’s my way. Find something else to do so I can’t focus on things beyond my control. Know what I mean? I tend to be a worrier, so rather than fill my mind with catastrophic thinking, I’ve found a much more effective means. Do things. Make things.

So far today I’ve made:

Ten minute raspberry jam
Subway -style cookies
Orange Lightning Cake

That worked for a while. Tasted pretty good too, though I’m saving the cake for later to share with friends – might whip up some cream with some orange rind …

Coffee out with Blue Eyes was another distraction, but my mother lion instincts were roaring and my mind kept turning to my cubs even while I sipped an especially tasty mocha … my mind and senses are on alert today (don’t you love how the past does that?) and that’s not how I want to be.
Back home, I wondered what else I could do. Read? Not right now (there’s a shock!). Write a book review? Not now. Clean? All done … So, what then? How could I shake the unease, let it go? The cool-ish breeze snaking in through an open window carried a hint of jasmine and drew me outside, away from things to do. Its perfume, heady and intense, is one of my favourites and will soon fade as the weather warms, so I lingered a while, breathing in, taking its beauty into me.
Then I found my camera and started snapping, recording my garden in its Spring glory. Focusing on the intricacy and delicacy of creation, listening to the hum of bees at work and the chickens chattering, feeling my dog’s breath at my knee. I know this is a temporary feeling, that the unease is real. I don’t know yet if it’s warranted anymore. The unease comes from the past, from repeated instances of “history repeats”. Time will tell if that is the case now. For the moment, I will focus on the good in my life, not memories of the past. I don’t want that to colour this day more than it needs to. Let the colour come from nature, not experiences.



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