IS SNORING PART OF THE DEAL?

This article first appeared in the Sound Telegraph as an instalment of my Balancing Act column. I thought I’d uploaded it … but it turns out I didn’t. I wrote it about four or five years ago and not a lot has changed.

Years ago when Bear was a bub, nearly everything he did was, in the words of my four-year-old neighbour, “so cute”. The gurgles, the raspberries, the giggles, smiles and even random bottom burps (though the projectile vomiting was not really that cute)… but I really loved hearing him snore. I used to stand and listen to his baby snores and smile in a satisfied new-mum way – it meant he wasn’t crying (at which point the smile slowly faded). He made this adorable (sorry Bear, but it was) “puh” noise at times as the air escaped his tiny lips. The first time I heard it I couldn’t help but giggle, and had to control myself when the giggling woke him up.

These days I rarely hear Bear snore. I’m too busy blocking out Blue Eye’s snores… and they’re not quite as cute. He also makes the “puh’’ noise, which I have to admit is cute on a grown man.

But then the real deal starts. When my darling man is really tired – and how could he not be with four kids, a full-time job and a wife – he sounds a bit like… how can I put this nicely… a freight train? He always apologises profusely when he wakes to find me with a pillow mashed on my head because the ear plugs aren’t working, or sleeping at the other end of the bed. As for me, I love him so I accept that this is part of the deal and ear plugs will forever be on the shopping list. And when it bothers me, I try to recreate that “how cute” giggly feeling I felt when Bear used to snore in my arms.

Simply saying “how cute” over and over doesn’t cut it for a grown man, so at the weekend I resorted to another method. I had heard of someone who used their loved one’s snoring as a ringtone so I decided to do the same and recorded a deeply sleeping and snoring Blue Eyes on my iPhone (yes, very technical of me). When I played it back, I got the giggles and had to leave the room to control myself. Bear, who was still awake, rolled his eyes.

Alas, it wasn’t loud enough for a ringtone and I couldn’t quite bring myself to record Blue Eyes again… but at least I had a smile on my face and felt love for my tired man despite his noisy-ness. I figure I can put up with the snoring because the rest of the man is pure gold. And pretty cute too.